Over two-thousand, five-hundred times I stood with my hand on heart and said “The Pledge,” programming myself to believe I lived in a nation of liberty and justice for all.

Yesterday I filed complaints with the New Mexico Attorney General’s office (and plan to do the same with the NM Board of Realtors) as if our country is just and I might right some wrongs by filing reports with Authorities.

But I know better than anyone that this nation (and planet) is run by a criminal network, controlled by mysterious Overlords – because some of us have been serving them (and their evil pedophilic needs) since we were children.

I keep “forgetting” (acting as programmed) and therefore making stupid choices based on a false reality and false expectations of goodness and justice.

Problem:  When I remember the reality, people don’t like me and call me “dark,” and demand I go back into hiding.  In that way, society participates in my repression back to programmed status.  It’s crazy-making.

But maybe the crazy-making is essentially a crisis to birth a new phoenix.

Or maybe it’s to drive me first into a cave for a period of time for some purpose I’ll one day discover.

Recently I’ve been separated from all my possessions, thrown into chaotic storage in which little can be accessed, stripping from me all my personal comforts and memories.

My cave won’t be available until next year, but a temporary one becomes available Sunday.  Soon I’ll move in, to hibernate for who knows how long.  Feels right.

I think I should cancel the complaints, let the Punishing Powers be, quit seeking “justice for all,” as if it ever were reality.  Quit engaging the Enemy.

After all, I’ve been a hermit, and moving again toward hermit-hood off-and-on for 22 years, and I’ve been lured away once, driven away twice, and now I am returned again, for a final or third try, chased back in fear and frustrated rage, perhaps for good purpose, even if the process feels evil.  It got me back, perhaps, where I’m supposed to be – I pray.

I am content with this, to enter my cave for an unknown period of time.  But will the world be a better place if I follow through on my legal complaints against organized stalkers?  Or should I just leave them alone, and hope they do the same for me?